Tag Archives: family

Irrational Confidence: A Superpower in Sports (and Life)

18 Sep

There’s a certain type of confidence you see in elite athletes—irrational, unshakable, sometimes bordering on delusional. Delusional, but somehow it works.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT6WeuD68/
I thought this was a cool interview — but also made me feel a little penitent.

When my daughter was young, she was a strong baby soccer player — fast, fearless, and could dribble straight past anyone (the only skill that matters in AYSO). We had a joke:

Me: “Who’s the best?”
Lexie: “Me!”

As she got older and started playing competitive soccer, that joke turned into a mantra. Before every game:
“Who’s the best?”
“Me.”

Where I Messed Up

As the competition got tougher and she wasn’t always the best on the field or even her team, and I started saying things like:

“You can’t just say you’re the best—you have to prove it. You have to do the work. There are better players now.”

I thought I was pushing her to grow. But looking back, I wish I could take those words back.

Without realizing it, I started to chip away at that irrational confidence. And what I didn’t understand then—but do now—is that confidence is a superpower.

The Aura Is Real

Alex Morgan talks about a kind of aura—some players step onto the field and you feel their belief.

My dad used to joke that to be a great basketball scorer, you had to be “half-dumb”—you had to believe the next six shots were going in, even if you missed the last six.

That belief defies logic. But somehow it seems to usurp logic as well.

Rebuilding Confidence

As kids get older, “You’re the best!” can ring a little hollow unless you are on the National Team or breaking par in golf. Now, as a dad, I like to use the term superpowers. Every player has a superpower. Strong dominant foot, dribbling, great shooting, high IQ, competitiveness etc. For my son in golf, “Who is the best putter?” “Go show em how to putt today!” I like the framing:

What are you great at? How do we do more of that?
Because the athletes who make it are often the ones who believe first, and prove it second. Like Alex Morgan.

In Sum…

If you see irrational confidence in a young athlete, protect it. Don’t rush to “humble” them or weigh it down with realism.

That belief might be their greatest advantage.

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Soccer Blog

8 Nov

I’m going to bring my old blog back as a soccer parent blog – I might toss in some real estate related posts as well, who knows.

Growing up soccer was not my best sport or favorite sport. I did play year-round on very good but not national level club teams, but soccer always took a back seat to basketball, baseball, and eventually golf. Now, I’m an immersed soccer parent. I spend a lot of time thinking about youth soccer, one day plan to coach, and I am excited to have a front row seat to the development of two of my kids and and also very curious to watch the tops players in these age groups grow and develop to see if I can learn something along the way.

My kids currently play for the Michigan Stars. As a club they recently had a big merger, they are on the come-up as an organization, strong but not top and only 8 minutes from our house. My daughter plays on a very strong team, currently #2 in Michigan and probably a top 30 team nationally. My 13-year old son plays on the Michigan Stars Elite Second team (ranked 16 in the state of Michigan).

My son (Will) and my daughter (Lexie) have had very different soccer journeys. My son was never a true standout at any level and has slowly and steadily climbed the ladder. When I coached him in AYSO, he was the 3rd best player out of 7. As a parent, I don’t really subscribe to playing sports for fun. I see sports “fun” as a function of improvement and winning. I don’t see how staying the same or getting worse and losing can ever be enjoyable for the kid or the parent. As a life lesson, I think sports teaches a critical lesson that effort leads to improvement and then results, even if its not always very linear.

In order to justify the time (and money) commitment , I think a child should show the willingness to work outside of practice to improve. If after a few years they complain about practice or extra training, I think it’s best to find something they like better. But I do recommend forcing them at young ages to try things – don’t let fear of new things block them.

Over the last six years there were 1-2 times where I was considering talking to my son about quitting soccer or spending our time on something else. It just seemed like he was going through the motions. Almost as I was ready to have that conversation with him, the switch flipped.

Will was lucky enough to make a team with a great coach with a winning mentality. My son’s willingness to improve outside of practice and excitement for the sport has never been higher. It’s a very exciting time for him. He wants to be a varsity soccer player, I think that’s certainly within reach and with a little luck on the athleticism front, who knows after that.

Lexie is more of a natural athlete. I spent so much time getting ready for AYSO with my son – my daughter who was 3 or 4 at the time would just hang around. Then she would come in and I would give her a few minutes at the end, never really thinking much of it. Lexie went into AYSO pretty much cold and was way better than all the other kids, boys and girls. I remember looking at my wife Katie and asking her if she saw this coming and she shrugged and laughed along with me. The natural path is that you get invited to a travel team after that and meet more of the kids that were AYSO standouts.

So we have a – the natural vs the hard-worker dynamic developing. My son has seen some adversity and overcome it. My daughter for the most part has yet to hit any real adversity. It will be interesting to see how that plays out – not as competitors vs each other obviously – but as how the different paths have different challenges. I don’t plan to blog much about my kids or their teams specifically, but mostly about parenting/coaching/soccer/training and then more about the local, state, and even national landscape of soccer.

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