There’s a certain type of confidence you see in elite athletes—irrational, unshakable, sometimes bordering on delusional. Delusional, but somehow it works.
When my daughter was young, she was a strong baby soccer player — fast, fearless, and could dribble straight past anyone (the only skill that matters in AYSO). We had a joke:
Me: “Who’s the best?” Lexie: “Me!”
As she got older and started playing competitive soccer, that joke turned into a mantra. Before every game: “Who’s the best?” “Me.”
Where I Messed Up
As the competition got tougher and she wasn’t always the best on the field or even her team, and I started saying things like:
“You can’t just say you’re the best—you have to prove it. You have to do the work. There are better players now.”
I thought I was pushing her to grow. But looking back, I wish I could take those words back.
Without realizing it, I started to chip away at that irrational confidence. And what I didn’t understand then—but do now—is that confidence is a superpower.
The Aura Is Real
Alex Morgan talks about a kind of aura—some players step onto the field and you feel their belief.
My dad used to joke that to be a great basketball scorer, you had to be “half-dumb”—you had to believe the next six shots were going in, even if you missed the last six.
That belief defies logic. But somehow it seems to usurp logic as well.
Rebuilding Confidence
As kids get older, “You’re the best!” can ring a little hollow unless you are on the National Team or breaking par in golf. Now, as a dad, I like to use the term superpowers. Every player has a superpower. Strong dominant foot, dribbling, great shooting, high IQ, competitiveness etc. For my son in golf, “Who is the best putter?” “Go show em how to putt today!” I like the framing:
What are you great at? How do we do more of that? Because the athletes who make it are often the ones who believe first, and prove it second. Like Alex Morgan.
In Sum…
If you see irrational confidence in a young athlete, protect it. Don’t rush to “humble” them or weigh it down with realism.
I used to be reluctant to categorize girls and boys separately, but after listening to Anson Dorrance, the former UNC women’s coach and the most decorated coach of all time, he unabashedly talks about the differences. It’s clear that boys and girls do not learn soccer the same way. Footnote 1
If you have a young, athletic daughter and she wants to improve at soccer, this should be your blueprint:
SMALL GROUP TRAINING. This is in a tier by itself. I have been around enough elite players on the girls’ side to know that the common ground is having an active parent and a dedication to small-group training. 98% of all elite girls check both boxes. Young girls thrive in small groups. I’m not a youth psychologist nor do I pretend to be, but the anecdotal evidence I’ve seen is overwhelming. Small groups for the win! Footnote 2.
3v3 tournaments. Fun, cost-effective, great for development. Finding the right level and different venues is difficult but important. Footnote 3
Tryouts/IDs – Very little is more productive than playing in a make/cut environment or with the nerves of new teammates. I dropped Lexie in all over the place, when she was a little kid. We’d just randomly show up and ask the coach if she could practice with teams, younger + older. No one ever said no because it was obvious she loved soccer. She doesn’t have much anxiety now with tryouts or ID sessions, and that ended up being a tertiary benefit.
In club, repetitive technical. This is very hard to find, but if you find a club or coach that is willing to run kids through repetitive technical training – it’s the secret sauce. While the rest of the country is wasting their time, you will be getting better. I’m going to write multiple blogs on this topic one day because it bothers me that we have so much evidence what works and nobody is willing to do it.
Very importantly though, where most well-intentioned coaches fail – it has to be repetitive. Whatever technique is the focus—turns, body shape, cone dribbling, shooting—these need to be practiced repetitively for months. Otherwise, you are spinning your wheels. The brain and mind need to be synced so that it becomes mastery, and I’ve never seen that accomplished without dogged repetition. Figuring out how to do that without boring the kids is the secret to great training.
Multiple Sports – I’ve seen huge leaps in players that are dancers, flag football players, basketball players, wrestlers, etc. There are so many famous cases of this in sports lore. Federer and soccer, Kobe and soccer, on and on in all kinds of weird combos. My favorite, being a boxer named Vasiliy Lomachenko. He was top boxing prospect, at around 13 years old, his dad and coach made him put down the gloves for 3 years to practice Ukranian dance full-time. Lomachenko peaked as the best pound-for-pound boxer in the world predominantly due to his super-human footwork. I would say that it is almost certain that having young kids play as many sports as they and/or their parents can handle is a good idea for development and life.
My gut tells me that specialization and reduced miles is safer as they get older. I think this is controversial and I haven’t researched a lot – its a pure hot take. The metaphor being – the car might be stronger, but the longer that car is on the road, the higher risk of an accident that you can’t control. I’m also skeptical of the book “Range” by David Epstein that was really popular – that’s another blog post. (I read almost one book a year so when I do, I reference them.)
Futsal – In last place, we have futsal. I am not willing to die on this hill, and more importantly I don’t want any angry emails from one of my six readers. First, I think futsal is better than nothing. Everything beats the IPAD. Secondly, I have heard all the arguments for futsal as a development tool, and they all seem like a huge reach from people that want it to be important. If the heavy ball was such a good training tool, why isn’t Ronaldo kicking a medicine ball. Boarded soccer and/or 10 minutes of wall training are both better than sending young kids out to play futsal for an hour. Uncoached futsal for young girls is a disaster, and we have bullied our way to many tournament wins, so this isn’t sour grapes. There are too many unskilled players on the field, and it ends up being dirty soccer with the ball out of bounds for most of the day.
My one caveat here is: if it’s coached well and treated as its own sport, I have seen successful development. I also think futsal holds up as it’s own sport – so if you just like it as a game, have at it – but get a real coach that despises soccer :). Also – <ducks> – it’s better as a boys’ training tool. They are just better at 1v1, tactical IQ and ball control at an earlier age.
Footnote 0: First off, if they are older than 5 years old and you don’t have 100s of hours on the ball – you’ve already messed up :). I do mean that though – I bet it works, but it’s not something I’ve seen anyone try or tried myself. There is a book called “Soccer Starts at Home” by Tom Byer where the thesis is that soccer ball mastery is a little bit like learning a language, where you can make lifetime coordination leaps in the “critical period.” I think he’s correct, and his work in Japan is proving this out. So if you haven’t born your next superstar, buy some size 1 balls and scatter them throughout the house, but buy the book because it’s not quite that simple. Then, if your kid decides he hates soccer, the’ll have great balance and coordination.
Footnote 1: I was watching the State Cup Finals in Saginaw. My daughter’s team had been knocked out the day before, and I was just milling around getting her the must-have t-shirt for $65, and I ran into a kid on my son’s team and age group, just one level higher. Shoutout to Joey. He had just broken his ankle and was juggling with his cast. I watched him get 30+ off his cast. Boys are just wired differently. They are more willing to work on their own and screw around with the ball. You can see it at any practice—boys are trying to nutmeg each other or get off some dumb trick WAY more than girls. If you have a daughter that wants to screw around with the ball on her own, you have a unicorn, and you need to encourage it. This is why I have small group training number 1. “Practice on your own, or practice with Dad/Mom” is just too rare of a quality in young girls to include it.
Footnote 2: First – the NLT podcast with Jeff Suffolk and Aaron Byrd is amazing. I recommend it in every blog. If you like youth soccer, it’s a must-listen. Super bonus if you are from Michigan and know some of the players they talk about.
My daughter and son have trained at NLT. My daughter would sleep there if she could (but she would need a friend – see footnote 1.) They have the reputation of being the top training program, and the pedigree is well-earned. They had a wall of players at the Sterling Heights location where, if you played college soccer, they would put your face up like a 10×12 picture. Well, they ran out of room. I remember going through when my kids were 6 or 7 and just seeing Duke, Saginaw Valley, Maryland, Florida State, Michigan, Ferris State, Oakland, etc. for like 60 yards, 5 columns deep. Even for young kids, the level gets turned up because of the type of players that have been in those buildings. I hope a huge portion of my kids future success revolves around NLT.
However, I’m here to take some umbrage with one of Aaron’s points about other trainers. He alludes to some trainers taking advantage of kids and parents without the right knowledge or ability. This leads to some kids possibly wasting their money and/or (gasp) getting worse. I’m sure he has some cases in mind specifically, and I don’t doubt he’s right about them.
However, for the vast majority of trainers I have been around — especially with young kids—time on the ball is better than nothing 99% of the time. The race to 1 million touches matters. As you get close to ball mastery, I think getting to the right trainers really matters because they can teach you things and in a way that others cannot.
An example: I train our girls on occasion. We call it J-Byrd training – and the girls are probably overpaying at $0. I played club soccer and high school soccer but never got close to playing college soccer. I don’t have a resume to teach soccer. But without a doubt, the girls will leave my training a tad better than they came in. I just operate under the “primum non nocere,” the doctor’s oath of “do no harm.” If I’m teaching shooting form, but if we have a player struggling with form but smashes it, I’m going to suggest she talks to a coach that is qualified to look at her form. But, we can learn to do, Ronaldo Chops and Maradonnas and then try them out in 1v1s – maybe learn the basics of defending 1v1— (which NEVER get taught) and everyone goes home .01% better.
So in summation, especially when kids are young, training in small groups is good wherever you can find it – watch out for toxic environments or potentially teaching bad technique but otherwise fire away. When your player hits some level of accumen, then it’s time to be more discerning. Also, listen to what the parents and top players suggest, they have seen a lot.
Footnote 3: 3v3 tournaments vary wildly in skill level. My son was going to play with his school friends, who were younger, so he ended up playing up a division. I emailed the tournament director begging to be placed in Division 2—just so the kids could have some fun. No luck. We got grouped with Wolves, Jags, Wolves (yes, two Wolves teams), and it was a disaster. All four kids cried that day and are probably permanently scarred. We lost 20–0, but after an appeal, one goal was disallowed (apparently, you can rainbow the ball to yourself at U11, but you can’t head it in afterward). So: 0–19 final. Good times. The Reds tournament on Black Friday every year is the best one for high-level competition.
justinsadauskas 